Just when you think you have everything under control, you get a curve ball.
We got a curve ball!
I feel like we have planned for everything or at least 95% of everything. But in the last four weeks, my sister and I have realized we still had a lot to learn.
Unfortunately I learned one more thing that you cannot do with a Power of Attorney (POA). Years ago, I learned that you can sell your parent’s house with a POA but you cannot sell your parent’s car. I thought this was ridiculous! I have a beautifully bound (and expensive) manual which holds the Power of Attorney documents for both of my parents and health directive documents but a car dealership prefers (actually they demand that you use) a POA document that you print off of a computer . . . for free.
This week I learned that even though the POA document specifically states that I have the power to direct changes with Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid the Department of Social Security will not accept my beautifully bound document. They would prefer that I get a letter from a physician that states that my father has Alzheimer’s and that he can no longer handle his finances. The Department of Social Security wants me to be my father’s Representative Payee. I believe this is a term that Social Security made up!
A Representative Payee is a person that Social Security appoints to handle someones social security benefits. I googled this! Now I am not trying to change my dad’s payments or where they are direct deposited. I am simply trying to change the mailing address for the tax documents that have to be mailed for his benefits and his Medicare. I am trying to simply change an address!
I have put my beautifully bound POA back in the cabinet and instead I have a form printed off the computer (Form SSA-787) and completed by a physician and a memo from the bank. I get to go once again to the Social Security office and try again to change my Dad’s address. I like to think of it as a field trip to a relatively new and shiny building in a neglected part of Birmingham. I will let you know if I am successful.
My advise to you is to change ALL important addresses to your home address while your loved one can still speak for themselves. I should have used my address the first time we moved my parents but then again I did not think I would move them again.
Enough about that.
The next curve ball is related to Memory Care.
We decided to move my parents last fall because we were looking for the best Memory Care our town had to offer. Unfortunately it was no longer in the facility we selected in 2015. Things change FAST in this market. We moved my parents to a different community because we were no longer happy with the community they were in. YOu really have to stay on top of the changes at each facility.
In our mind, we were looking for excellent independent living and excellent memory care and we thought we had found it!
Just before Christmas, it became apparent that my Dad needed to be in memory care both for his safety and the safety of my mom and our sitters. We thought it would be a relatively easy move.
Nope. Nothing easy about it!
As it turns out my dad was not able to go to memory care because he became agitated and when he was in this state it was hard to be around him. So hard to be around him that the memory care that we so carefully selected said “No thank you!”
BAM! We were hit right between the eyes just days before Christmas.
Now what? He can’t stay in the apartment with my mom and he cannot go to memory care down the hall. Much crying and cussing followed and my Dad was sedated so that we could have time to figure out a plan….again.
Fast forward to January and we added a trip to the locked geriatric ward to get Dad’s medicine adjusted so that he could either go back to live with our mother or go to the memory care that we selected.
Fast forward three weeks in the geriatric ward. Dad’s medicine has been modified and he is ready to be released. That was great news but the man that walked into the hospital three weeks before was not the same man sitting in front of us now. The man, my father, could hardly hold his eyes open and his head up. He could no longer feed himself or dress himself or clean himself or walk unassisted.
BAM! We were hit between the eyes once again. Now what?
The hospital explained to us that Dad was likely in stage 7 of Alzheimer’s and he was receiving 100% care from the nurses. We needed to look for skilled nursing for my Dad. The beautiful home that we had moved my parents to in November did not offer skilled nursing. We never thought my Dad would need skilled nursing. We thought memory care would be the last stop for my dad.
So the hunt began again. The search for the best place to care for my dad. We needed a place that would love him and care for him and be relatively close to our mother.
We are tired of these curve balls and I have never been a big fan of baseball anyway.
Remember, a person with Alzheimer’s is not giving you a hard time… they are having a hard time. author unknown
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