I’m Fine

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I totally stole this title from a meeting that I attended today.

How many of us have said this and not really meant it? I am guilty. I think most people are guilty of this white lie from time to time.

The children are all sick, the laundry is overflowing, the car is in the shop and someone asks “How are you?” Quick answer: “I’m fine!”

Today, I sat in a room full of wonderful, loving people that have probably said that they were fine when they were anything but fine.

It is hard living with someone with dementia. Sometimes you have the same conversation over and over again all day, every day, for an entire week. Some days your loved one will not get out of bed and you have a 11 am doctor’s appointment. Some days your father who was once a very well dressed man misses some spots shaving, his buttons on his freshly starched shirt are not buttoned correctly and his cowlick is standing straight up. But everything is fine. I’m fine.

Some days nothing goes as planned. Some days you feel like you should just stay in bed or maybe go back to bed. Some days Dad does not want to go to “school” but the sitter is not scheduled to show up for 6 more hours. Some days your mom calls to say that she does not like the “fill in” sitter that you realize is scheduled to come back tomorrow.

But if you ask me how I am doing, I will tell you I am fine.

We all have our baggage. Some days are better than others. It is part of life.

Today I walked into a room of people that are walking with me on this journey.  We are all on different parts of the journey but we are all walking together. I walked into this room today knowing that I had something on my heart. I knew that I was in a safe place and would not be judged for saying it out loud.

I was right. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and I am pretty sure that everyone in the room had at least thought the same thing that I said.

We were all fine!

Before I left today, I gathered some “love notes” scattered on the table. So many of them spoke to me. Some of them reminded me of my children and things that I want to say to them. I gathered a few and put them in my pocket.

I will leave you with one of them tonight.

Everything will be alright in the end. If it’s not alright, it’s not the end.

I believe that. I really do.

And . . . I’m fine.

I really am.

 

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