Missing you

missing-quotes-61

I miss my Dad. I am blessed to still have him here with me but I miss him just the same. I am lucky to see the good parts of my Dad’s day. I love his dry sense of humor and his quick wit. But I miss him.

Today we had a quick visit. A good visit.  I was surprised to see him up and dressed for the day when I arrived around ten o’clock. We joked about Halloween and what his costume might be . We decided he would be dressed as a retired banker, a well dressed retired banker.

My sister got a nice long visit in a little bit later in the day and then all hell broke loose.

I have to commend my mom. She has done an incredible job shielding us from Dad’s sundown moments. We have had very few phone calls from my dad asking us to take him home. I have to admit that I was taking no news to be good news. Silly me!

I did not realize that dad was often confused as to who my mom was. I knew this happened but I thought we were in a good period. I now know that my mom has been dealing with his sundowning on her own.

Today my Dad was not himself. He said things he did not mean and he showed a side of himself that many of us did not recognize. I miss my Dad.

So what do you do when you are in public and dad has a complete come apart? Well, you do not reason with him. Have you ever reasoned with a two-year old? It is not possible. I can tell you that I made promises on the telephone today that I knew I would not be able to keep. You do not say “remember” because he does not remember. You do not correct his misinformation because he does not believe you and most likely he does not even know who you are. I miss my Dad.

I am thankful for our support system. I am thankful for police officers that are trained to help us navigate this road. I am thankful that my parents are not in their house on Norman Drive with six doors to the outside. I am thankful for our sitters that generally remain calm in a situation that is anything but calm. I am thankful that my sister took the brunt of it today because I would not have handled it as well as she did. I am thankful that my mom is stong enough to take his hurtful comments in stride . . . most of the time.

I miss my Dad and I wonder how long this will go on.

I am thankful for football. Football is calming to my dad. It takes him back to a time where he was in control of life. It provides him with hours of enjoyment and keeps his brain from wandering.

I am thankful and I am sad and I miss my Dad.

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